God Is Eager to Help Us Change

Jesus Christ came to earth to deliver us from our sins, and judgmentalism is a prime sin. By dying on the cross, He purchased forgiveness and eternal life for all who believe in Him (John 3:16, 6:47; 1 Pet. 3:18; 1 John 4:15).Therefore, the first step in being delivered from this sin is to confess that you are a sinner who commits this sin. Believe that Jesus bore the punishment you deserve. Trust that His resurrection secured forgiveness and eternal life for you. Thank Him for judging you with mercy rather thanfairness.

Jesus does even more. He will deliver you from the sinful thoughts and behavior that plague your life and damage your relationships today (Phil.1:6). This process is called "sanctification." It is carried out by the Holy Spirit, who works in you daily to change your heart steadily. He will helpyou to develop attitudes and habits that are pleasing to God and make you ablessing to those around you (Phil. 2:12-13; 2 Cor. 3:18; Gal. 4:19,5:22-26). He personally teaches us to form and express charitable judgments.

Sanctification is primarily a work of the Holy Spirit within you. It also involves your full and active cooperation. In order to grow, draw on God's grace. Strive earnestly to "put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitude of your mind, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph. 4:22-24).

This "put off, put on" process provides the road to freedom from making critical judgments. You can begin to put off this habit by confessing your tendency to look for the worst in others and asking God to forgive you for dishonoring Him, hurting other people, and weakening the witness of His church. Then you can take hold of the wonderful promise: "If we confess oursins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).

The next step in this process is to prayerfully identify and confess the particular attitudes that feed your critical spirit. As we saw earlier,these may include selfishness, pride, self righteousness, insecurity,jealousy, self-pity, prejudice, unforgiveness, or a lack of love. Jesus'death on the cross provides the key to putting off these sinful attitudes.When you unite yourself to Jesus through faith, he enables you to put yoursinful desires to death. He also gives you power to put on the attitudes and character of Christ (Rom. 6:1-14; Col. 3:12-14).

This replacement process can be applied to each sinful attitude that leads you to judge wrongly. For example, as you ask God to help you put pride to death, focus on and ask God to give you the humility of Jesus (Phil.2:1-11). In the same way, ask him to help you replace self righteousness witha greater dependence on Christ's righteousness (Rom. 1:17), insecurity with godly confidence (Phil. 4:13), self-pity with contentment (Phil. 4:12),prejudice with open-mindedness (Acts 10:27-28), unforgiveness with forgiveness (Eph. 4:32), and a lack of love with a love for others, regardless of how they treat you (Luke 23:34).

Finally, ask God specifically to help you put on the habit of charitable judging. "Father, help me to acknowledge others' virtues, delight in their successes, overlook their faults, defend their reputation, seek to understand their perspective, and believe the best about them until I have facts to prove otherwise. Help me to deal honestly, humbly, andconstructively with others' true failings." As you draw on His grace and usethe normal interactions of daily life to practice making charitable judgments, these attitudes and habits can become more consistent and characteristic of whom you are becoming.

In some situations you will also need to seek forgiveness from the people whom you have misjudged. If your critical judgments have led you to treat them disrespectfully or to speak critically about them to others, you should go to them, confess your sin, and ask for their forgiveness (Prov. 28:13).True repentance will be revealed if you also go to those who heard your judgments and seek to set the record straight.

Another way to demonstrate repentance is to break the cycle of spreading critical reports. If someone comes to you and begins to speak critically about another person, you can promptly interrupt her and say, "Have you talked to the other person about this?" If she says no, you can respond, "Then it's not right for you to be talking about him to me or anyone else. Jesus says you should go and talk to him in private, and if that doesn't work, you can ask another believer to meet with you both to try to resolve the problem" (see Matt. 18:15-20).

Similarly, if someone speaks critically of another person or group for no constructive purpose, you can say what a friend once said to me. "I'm also concerned about what they are doing. But talking about it won't do any good. Could we pray for them right now?"

As you strive to break free from the habit of making critical judgments, itis helpful to make yourself accountable to godly people who observe your life on a daily basis. Ask them to pray for you in this area and to come talk with you when it seems you are sliding back into old habits. As these people spur you on in your growth, some of them may even be inspired to follow your example and develop the habit of making charitable judgments themselves.

What about People Who Did Wrong in the Past?

When someone has undeniably done something wrong in the past, it isdifficult not to jump to the conclusion that they are doing the same thingall over again. So how can we judge them charitably? In some cases, we maybe able to talk with them about their past conduct and receive assurancethat they really do want to change. But such conversations are not alwayspossible, and even when they are, we may still doubt their sincerity. Whatthen?

Whenever we deal with people who have done wrong in the past, we shouldrealize that the foundation for charitable judgments is not a perfect trackrecord, worldly optimism, or a blind hope in the fleeting goodness of man.Charitable judgments are rooted in the goodness and power of God, whopromises to work graciously and unceasingly to bless His people and conformthem to the likeness of His Son (Rom. 8:28-39). As Paul writes, "It is Godwho works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose" (Phil.2:13). Because this is true, we can and should expect to see increasingevidences of His grace in our own lives and the lives of others.

As we embrace this truth, we can live our lives with "expectant charity." Wecan hope for the best in others and expect that we will eventually see Goddoing something good in them. But this is not to be a demanding expectation,one that has a predetermined pace and pattern. Rather it is to be a gentleexpectation, one that patiently and joyfully waits for the next divinelyscheduled evidence of God's work in that person's life.

For example, even though my children have repeatedly fallen short of mydesires and instructions, God calls me to believe that He will be faithfulto His promise to conform them steadily to the likeness of Christ. He givesme frequent opportunities to trust Him in this. I recently noticed mydaughter, Megan, doing something that could reasonably have been interpretedin two possible ways: as being a repeat of an old pattern (not clearing thedinner table promptly), or as being a loving act (leaving the dishes for afew minutes for a good reason). Faith in God's transforming promises enabledme to withhold my critical judgment and hope for the best. Moments later Idiscovered that Megan had been helping her grandmother get something out ofher closet. How grateful I was that I had not jumped to a criticalconclusion when my daughter was doing an act of love.

A powerful motivation for making charitable judgments-even of those who havedone wrong in the past-is the desire to honor God by imitating His mercy andkindness towards us (Eph. 5:1; Luke 6:36). Because of our past sins, God hasevery right to judge us with lethal and eternal criticism. Yet, He ismerciful, kind, patient, and gracious. He does not treat us as our sinsdeserve, and He always looks for the best in us (Ps. 130:3). If that is howHe treats us, we should be eager to honor Him by doing the same with others(see also Rom. 12:9; Col. 3:12-13; 1 Pet. 4:8).

So, if you struggle with a critical spirit, remember the goodness of God andHis power to change people. Cultivate a desire to bring Him praise byimitating His mercy and kindness to you. As you do so, you will find itincreasingly natural to release people from their previous wrongs and judgetheir behavior today with the charity of Christ.